![]() Look for ways to do both: speak up and have a stronger relationship. In high-risk discussions, stay focused on what you really want (your big-picture goal, such as a stronger relationship), so you don’t sidetracked by conversational games, such as trying to win, punish the other person, or keep the peace.Īlso, refuse the fool’s choice of limiting yourself to an either/or alternative (I can stay silent and keep the peace, or I can speak up and ruin my relationship). The Seven Dialogue Principles Know Your Heart Specifically, there are seven key dialogue principles, including implementation skills you can learn. Many conversations, however, go off the rails as people act out by pushing their views aggressively, withholding their views, or acting from motives that undercut the shared purpose. It’s important that all parties participate in order to reach the best conclusion or outcome. And when they do, their career, health, personal relationships, and their organization or company benefit tremendously.įor crucial conversations to be constructive, they must have a shared purpose and the conditions must be safe for everyone to contribute. People can learn the skills to handle these conversations effectively. For example, when one partner is neglecting the other, the aggrieved partner may respond with sarcasm and sniping - which causes the offending party to spend even less time with him or her.īut this doesn’t have to happen. We act in ways that keep us from getting what we want. ![]() We don’t know where to start in terms of responding to or initiating a crucial conversation, so we just plunge in. Crucial conversations often catch us by surprise - we have a knee-jerk reaction and later end up wondering, what was I thinking? ![]() When under stress, we get an adrenaline surge and blood is diverted from the brain to muscles so that our thinking ability suffers. We typically fail at these conversations because: We may withdraw, or rage and say things we later regret. We behave our worst at the most critical moments. And in fact, when we do have crucial conversations, we usually handle them badly. We often try to avoid having these conversations because we’re afraid we’ll make matters worse. Examples include: ending a relationship, asking a roommate to move out, resolving an issue with an ex-spouse, confronting a coworker about his/her behavior, or giving the boss critical feedback. These conversations can have a huge impact on your life. Crucial conversations are often typical daily interactions as opposed to planned, high-level meetings. Organizational performance and the quality of relationships improve significantly when people learn the skills to handle these crucial conversations effectively.Ī crucial conversation is a discussion characterized by high stakes, differing opinions, and strong emotions. In Crucial Conversations: Tools For Talking When Stakes Are High, authors Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler argue that many problems are caused by how people behave when they disagree with others about high-stakes, emotional issues. When you learn to handle crucial conversations effectively, the quality of your relationships and your effectiveness in your career will improve dramatically, and you’ll be able to help get everybody what they want.ġ-Page Summary 1-Page Book Summary of Crucial Conversations After this book, you’ll be able to talk to anyone about virtually any topic, no matter how sensitive. Moreover, we often deliberately avoid having these conversations because we’re afraid we’ll make matters worse.Ĭrucial Conversations teaches you an array of dialogue principles and practical skills, explained and demonstrated through numerous examples. When this happens, little progress is made, and resentment builds. These stressful conversations can rapidly go awry, with people behaving at their worst - yelling at each other and sniping sarcastically, or on the other side going silent and withdrawing. ![]() Poorly handling crucial conversations - discussions with high stakes, different opinions, and strong emotions - is the cause of many of our most painful problems in work and home life. Book Rating by Shortform Readers: 4.6 ( 122 reviews) ![]()
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